The Unspoken Fear.

Across the world
Everyone is afraid of something
Labelled into phobias and trepidations
Me? Far worse than any other
I fear I may never taste the kiss from a sudden desire
I fear I may never witness the true wonders of the world
I fear I may never hear the symphonies of the universe
I fear I may never smell the aromas of cuisines long lost to history
I fear I may never experience stories with a touch
Me? I fear I may never truly live a life worth living.

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The Ones Who Came After.

Asura,

I found it. It took me years, the kind of years I won’t find in my grasp again, but I found the box that was prophesied for us. I know you remember it well, Father and Mother never let us forget about the destinies we were meant to fulfill. And here, at the end of this road, I hold it in my hands. It’s not as glorious as it was portrayed, but myths rarely live up to the legends built around them. Surprisingly light for a box that holds the keys to the inner workings of reality as we know it. It’s almost as if this box was meant to live up to the quote “The universe works in mysterious ways.” Probably just some big joke, if you ask me.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I know these words of mine won’t absolve me of the hole I’ve created in your heart. You see, the life you built for yourself was like the dream you never asked for, a dream that could not be ripped from you so soon. But you had to have known that I would never abandon you. We are not just siblings, brother mine. We are the living embodiments of Yin and Yang itself, existing within a single plane of reality in the form of human beings. Do not mistake my words, I would never try to undermine the bonds you have created with the people you surround yourself with. No, they play pivotal roles in the fates written down for us, shaping and moulding us so that we can take on the roles we were meant to live up to. But the time is now. I have seen it in the stars, they are the ones who told me where I would find our keys. In no sooner than a day, we can be Gods.

Can you imagine it? I have; every waking moment that I have spent on this voyage. I can see the possibilities already. To state that we would exist in a state of Godhood would be blasphemous, indeed, for we would evolve beyond the comprehension of language itself. Just take a moment and picture it. All the dimensions discovered by mankind would bend to our will alone. Can you imagine the multitudes of routes we could discover, all of them leading to wondrous places we could never even dream of? The journeys we would undertake, the sights we will witness. Worlds would know us only as the ‘Travelers’, two wandering souls whose agenda is as great a mystery as the existence of life itself.

Think about it, brother. Millenia after humanity’s time, we would be revered as the Gods of Light and Darkness. You could move stars across galaxies with nothing but a thought, while the vast expanse of space is mine to perceive and reshape as I see fit. But what do we truly know of Yin and Yang, brother? Is it simply the eternal balance between the Light and the Darkness? Would we adhere to the rules set by Those Who Came Before, keeping a tradition as old as time alive, or would we create a new set of rules for the omniverse to follow, changing everything we ever believed to be true? What about our very natures? The Light is said to represent goodness within the universe, while the Darkness is said to oppose all that the Light stands for. Is that what awaits me once we accept our roles? Am I destined to destroy all that you create? I am uncertain of the decision we need to make, brother. I do not want us to be at war for till the day time ends. We share more than blood, and above all else, I will fight the very fate we were destined for if it means seeing you by my side. You are more than just my brother, Asura. Yin cannot exist without Yang shining a light upon the rest of the omniverse.

I must take your leave now. I need to be wary of the dangers that I might face on my journey to you. But I assure you, once we are together again, I promise on my life that I will never leave your side. That is the promise of a future God to another.
Yours truly,
Indra.
P.S: Inspired by the worlds of fiction created by DC comics, Marvel comics and Assassin’s Creed.

The Pursuit.

All the weeks he spent in training finally paid off. Sleeping was easy for him, it was the subconscious realm that he had no control over. He knew that he would eventually have to take decisive action over it. After all, living through each moment that comes his way could only last for so long. Like the decaying state of entropy that catches up to every being possessed with the light of life, his dilemma finally caught up to him, leaving him in a state of helplessness; a state which shifted his paradigm to a degree that could not be easily retrieved.

In order to combat his predicament, he knew that it would require more than the temporary fixes he subscribed himself to. Blessings that they were, their illuminating effects had lost their light, leading him to believe that the answers he needed belonged to a different source altogether. He kept his ear to the ground to keep track of the rumours that floated about, followed by inquisition sessions that lead him to a series of dead-ends. On an ordinary yet passing day, a bolt from the blue struck his mind-palace, lighting up his synapses in the form of a spectacle that resembled a firework show during the Festival of Lights. The answers he sought were to be found within.

Sages of the old ages discovered the boon of enlightenment through meditation and abstinence. He had already made himself comfortable with the maelstrom in his mind. Maybe, all that he needed was a compass to navigate himself towards the solutions he craved. It was decided then. All that was necessary was formal training on the subject matter, the notes of which were easily accessible. With the necessary intel gathered, he decided to take the plunge. If this didn’t work out, nothing else would.

Once the stars of the cosmos began seeping into the night sky, he found the perfect setting for the search to begin. Slowing his heartbeat down to a steady pace, he shifted his astral body into its subconscious state, entering a realm of his own making. The sight that greeted him was one he did not truly anticipate. Looking to his surroundings, he found himself staring down a passageway that seemed to extend until the end of infinity. The walls were adorned with bulbs that emitted light at lower than usual voltages; the ideal kind of light that he usually preferred. What truly concerned him were the endless number of doors that stood resolutely on both sides of the passage. How the hell is he supposed to check them all by the end of the night? Don’t panic, he repeated to himself. He was sure that if he was looking for something specific, it would distinguish himself from what stood before him. Still, he would be a liar if he told himself that he wasn’t in the least curious about what else was floating around in his head. Deep breaths, he assured himself. One step after the other is how mankind got from their homes in the caves to the exploration of the vast reaches of space. He could handle something as simple as his own subconscious. At least, that’s how he convinced himself.

Each door that he unlocked represented an aspect of his personality and memories, each being a pocket reality that thrived in its own environment. The room that held his depression at bay was occupied by a single person surrounded by a mist that attacked them through their body and psyche. He dared not go in and help the person out, lest he stay there as helpless as they were. The door after that opened up to his old room in his childhood home, occupied by a younger version of himself who embodied the very idea of innocence. He wanted to stay there and watch him grow, but he knew better than to live in the past. It was a habit he knew very well, a habit that could not continue in existence. He could tell where the aspect of his rage resided long before he approached the door. Its thunderclaps could be felt across the entire passageway, shaking the very foundations that his astral body walked upon. That pocket reality had multiple levels of security enforced upon it. Only he knew the true consequences of what would take place should he ever be inclined to let it run free. Moving on was his best alternative at that point.

After what seemed like the hundredth door, the lights started flickering, signaling the end of his time in the realm. Time was running out, and he still didn’t find the answer he needed. He started running through the passageway, stealing a glance through each pocket reality for a chance to find his answers. Desperation crawled its way into his mind; patience was not a liberty he could afford anymore. Through every corner he turned and every door he passed by, the feeling of hopelessness kept gaining strength. Right at the edge of abandonment, his vision glanced upon a bright red door standing at the end of a passageway. Dashing toward it, he moved forward with a strength like no other, his determination finally paying off. He passed through the hidden pocket reality and was taken aback by what he saw. The room was clear with no windows, occupied by a single mirror that took over the entire wall. Was this it? His own reflection was supposed to be his saviour? He cursed his own misfortune. However, on closer inspection, he discovered that the mirror showed no reflection at all.

He was staring at what seemed to be a perfect copy of his astral body, except for the fact that the reflection’s eye was pitch black while his face possessed a condescending sneer. “Who are you?”, he demanded, taken aback by what laid in front of him. “I’m what was intended to be you, but there’s no divine moral compass holding me back. I’m what you are meant to be.” the apparition replied. “Everything you believe you know about yourself, I know better. Everything you stop yourself from doing, I do it. You wanted answers that nobody else could give you? I own it all.” he proclaimed, standing as though he were ready to make a move. “What is my purpose in life? How am I supposed to keep doing the things I do without the fulfillment I desire? Is there any point to existence here?”, he asked in desperation, clinging to the hope that the answers would finally make sense. The apparition began howling with laughter, a sense of joy that sent chills through the boy’s spine. “You fool. You found the key that shifts you into this realm, but you’re not worthy of what it holds. No, you’re not prepared yet.”, the apparition stated. “Prepared yet? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are there some kind of trials I need to subject myself to?!”, he shouted. “Now you’re finally getting it,” the apparition smirked, “The pursuit of your salvation has just begun. The world has much to show you before you reach your final stage of enlightenment. Till then, do not dare to enter my realm, unless you want me to take over your feeble vessel.” The walls around them began crumbling, indicating the end of his time. “But I don’t want enlightenment! I just want to know what my purpose in life is!”, he shouted as he could feel himself being pulled away to consciousness. For the first time since facing him, the apparition smiled genuinely and stated, “Aren’t they both the same thing?”.

Before he could say any further, as if by the power of some invisible hand, the boy was dragged away from the final pocket reality, speeding past the endless passageway until the moment he woke up to a blinding light. His body was jolted back to the physical plane of reality by his alarm. He was getting late for office, and he was all out of excuses to make up for his tardiness. What was that all about, he wondered. As if by some form of divine intervention, the calls started pouring in. In the far recesses of his mind, his apparition chuckled.
P.S: Inspired by the fictional work of Naruto Shippuden, Insidious and Star Wars.

The Skeptic.

It’s a question I ask myself on more occasions that I can count. What am I?

A child pretending to be an adult.
A man who has seen everything and nothing.
A naive fool who can’t decide if he lives in a simple world or in a world full of poorly drawn lines.
A skeptic who doubts the sanity of his mind.
An alcoholic who drowns himself in the poison of his preference.
An addict who burns away his life with each breath he takes.
A fucked-up individual who can’t tell between his need for a lover or the lust of an intimate touch.
A bisexual human who hates the choice that needs to be made.
A suicidal being who daydreams the proceedings of his demise.
A brother to one who sees him as the most valued person in his life.
A son who does not feel the need for parents in his life anymore.
A disappointment in his own life to all those he let down.
A bastard to all those he left broken and destroyed.
A sucker for pain who falls in love with those he thinks are worthy of his efforts.
A masochist who thrives on the pain he and many more inflict on himself, consciously or not.
A ghost who detaches himself from the help he could really use.
A manipulator who twists words and emotions to his purposes.
A faliure who doesn’t always finish what he starts.
A wounded healer who can’t stop himself from helping what could be a lost cause.
An empath whose very emotions weigh him down.
A reader who finds solace in other worlds of fiction as compared to his own.
A storyteller who obsesses himself with the tales of people’s lives.
An observer who can read through the mask that the society puts on.
An ambivert who can’t seem to figure out the perfect kind of balance in his life.
A singer who hasn’t perfected the limits of his voice.
A man whose very thoughts can lead him down to a path full of ruin and despair.
A soul built on the foundation of hope who believes that it can always get better.
A blind fool who loses sight of all that is important to him.
A deceiver who can change his allegiance at the drop of a hat.
A keeper who compartmentalizes what people know of him, because he knows that the truth can ruin him.
A man whose beliefs are rooted in the words and actions of others.
A contradiction to almost everything he believes in.
A writer with his words as his greatest strength and most significant weakness.
A man who doubts his humanity.
A skeptic by profession.

In my world, I am the First Player.
I am an author who chooses not to let his sentence end.
I am a boy bound by the blood seal of those who wish for me to continue my life in this physical plane of existence.
I am one half of a representation of the balance of Light and Darkness in the universe.
But, at the end of it all, what am I to myself?

The Last Christmas.

“One more week left to go.”, he declared to himself. The festive season had already captivated the hearts of many this year, but it stopped making a difference to him a long time ago. His eyes looked beyond the endless loop that each festivity brought to the people around him, so he couldn’t care less about any occasion that was celebrated across the world. What good had it brought him? A set of materialistic items that were meant to win over his heart? “Bullshit.”, he scoffed as he glanced over his shoulder for what seemed to be the last sight of his workstation. His guardians had served him well, watching over him as they bore witness to all the temperaments that he exhibited over the course of his career. His gratitude knew no bounds, but there is only so much one can do for a trio of inanimate figures. Still, they had served him well and he was determined to ensure that they continue their service with another he trusted as compared to lying forgotten in a locked closet. Arrangements were made for them to be passed on to those he deemed invaluable in his life. They would be able to treat them as the champions they were, standing tall as they continued their fight towards victory.

Bag in hand, he checked out at his usual time, waving a silent goodbye to those still present within the office. Lighting the last cigarette from its box, he inhaled his usual preference of tobacco with a finality that seemed to stretch for an eternity. The terrace was always his most favourite place in the world for a moment of introspection. Many nights were spent there, bearing testimony to conversations that lasted till the wee hours of the morning along with intoxicated evenings filled to the brim with drunken confessions and promises. Why are goodbyes the hardest thing to do? “Just breathe”, he reminded himself, pushing back the urge to let his emotions get the better of him. He took one last breath of his tobacco, flicked the butt into the breezy air and strolled out of the office premises.

“One last ride, just you and me.” Settling down into the compartment, he stared out into the night, soaking in the sights and sounds that the locality had to offer him. The city of dreams truly earned its name, never once losing the lustre and charm of its history and culture. Man, was he blessed to be raised in a metropolis like this or what? Destiny must be really desperate if they’re pulling out a Hail Mary like this. He chuckled at the thought of it. “Screw you. It’s time I choose how my story proceeds along.” he retorted as his train made its way to his final destination.

Unlocking the door to his home, he was stupefied by what was laid out before his very eyes. Standing before him was the couple he called his family, radiantly beaming as they beckoned him inside. The house he grew up in was decked in all manners of festive lights, adorned with plastic hollies that hung from the walls coupled with silver angels in specific corners of the apartment. The hall stood out thanks to the presence of a Christmas tree that dazzled the house with its multicoloured lights, topped by a star that illuminated through the darkness of the night. The couple definitely looked like they were up for a celebration. This just doesn’t get any easier, doesn’t it? Still, he kept his vicious thoughts to himself, adjusted his mask and proceeded along like the entire world was finally made perfect.

Putting in a formal request for his leave of absence was the smartest decision he made in a long time. He needed the time off and he wasn’t willing to let it go to waste. He set up a checklist of things to achieve within the time he had, all of which included the beginning of a new hobby. Too many regrets had already piled on to his consciousness and he was not capable of shouldering any more. He would continue doubting the purpose of his decision, reaffirming the choice of his actions that were set to take place. Did the loneliness of not having someone intimate by his side finally push him over the edge? Did he believe that true victory is unattainable and everything he did up to this point was a lost cause? Was freedom the answer he was looking for, the feeling of being bound to no one but himself or was he just tired of it all? As the end approached, he decided it didn’t matter at all. His choice was final and there was nothing that would make him think otherwise.

The dawn of Christmas Eve finally came in. He thought it was pretty funny how he chose this day as the moment he would finally let it all go, seeing as how it suited him perfectly. The symbolism of dying in the presence of the Christmas tree seemed to make sense to no one but himself. As his favourite couple was stepping out for the evening’s festivities, he gave them both the warmest hug he could muster. They gave their assurance that they would be back before the night ended, but he knew that it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Bidding them farewell with a lasting smile, he locked the door and stepped into the hall. Grabbing the razor blades he picked up earlier that day, he settled down onto the floor with ease in his mind. Now came the hardest part of it all. He was no stranger to pain, but this final act would make a lasting impression on his soul. Taking a deep breath in, he gasped in shock as the blade cut deep into his skin, piercing its way through his veins while the cold metal made its way up his forearm. Trying to regain his composure, he followed suit with his other arm, making sure to slice through the markings that tied his soul to his vessel. With the deed performed, the blades dropped to the ground with a dull clang as his fingers went numb from the rapid loss of blood. A million thoughts flew past his mind, each memory stretching for an eternity. There was so much more he could have done, so much more he could have said had he chosen to exercise the power of his will. However, with his consciousness slowing slipping away from his grasp, all possible futures ceased to exist. All that was present at the moment was the sound of the breeze passing through his house and the dazzling lights of the Christmas tree. Goodbye; his final thought as his head hit the floor.

The Blessing and Curse of the All-Sight.

Do you know what it’s like to see everything? Sure, “everything” is pretty relative, encompassing topics and genres which would take days to list down. No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about looking through the very fabric of life itself. You see, the ability to see everything comes with time and a heavy price. You have to pay a particular toll in order to gain the All-Sight, and the toll would take a bigger chunk out of you than you would realize. Don’t think of it as a blessing just yet.

You see, the curse of having the All-Sight ability is that nothing stays hidden from you anymore. What am I trying to say, you might ask? Well, that’s just it. I’m talking about the daily struggles that we humans face. I’m talking about the struggles that they have faced so far. I’m talking about the struggles that are heading their way sooner than they realize. That’s right, All-Sight gives you the very ability to peer into the ever-flowing streams of time itself. How does that happen? Let’s simplify it, if you haven’t understood yet.

There have been tons of people you have met across your journey of life so far, and there will be many more to come as the decades pass by. Each person has their own story to tell, each with their own perception as to how the law of the universe functions. It’s all aspects of one might mechanism, of course. But the thing is, there has never been a story where the person has come across their ‘happily ever after’ without going a certain set of roadblocks. They made it through their trials and tribulations in the best possible way that they could, ensuring that the effect wouldn’t be as permanent as the last time. But that doesn’t always work out, doesn’t it? So they put the pain away behind solid mental walls, guarding their greatest failures with their life.

However, every now and then, someone with the All-Sight ability will come along and see right through their defenses, staring directly into the eyes of everything that has gone wrong in their life. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, what’s done stays in the past and never sees the light again. Do you know what is one of the worst combinations that exist to this day? When a person with the All-Sight ability happens to be an empath as well. Why is that one of the worst combinations to ever exist? Because every time that person sees through the walls, they can feel that pain in their heart. Once they do, they want nothing more but to take the pain away and lock it in their own minds.

They don’t want the people they love to go through the same kind of pain they have, because they know how deep the wound goes and they wouldn’t want the same for anyone else. They’d do anything to take the pain away, even if it meant sacrificing their own identity and sending their souls across the gates of Oblivion. But that can’t happen, because that’s not how the universe wishes it to be.

The universe believes that there’s a higher purpose to the pain, that it can bring out the best in people and ignite the spark of life present within each individual. People with the ability of All-Sight can see that grand purpose, and they can see why it is deemed necessary for every soul to break first before it can be reborn from the ashes of its misery. The empaths only wish that the pain didn’t have to last that long, that’s all. That isn’t such a bad request, isn’t it? And that’s the blessing and the curse they have to bear with for the rest of their days.

Do you know what people with the ability of All-Sight can see? They see it all, but all they can do is wait in the Darkness for the light to shine again.

What are you supposed to do to make it better?

The dilemma of a human being lies in their cognitive abilities, or more accurately, thinking with their emotions. Thanks to such a flaw, judgements are formed before the final choice is made, giving the view a biased perspective. So, how is anyone supposed to make the right choice when they can’t see the truth staring right into their eyes? Answer, you don’t. You settle for what you think is best suited at the time, and hope that the consequences that need to be dealt with later on won’t be as severe as they were last time. But that was never up to you, wasn’t it?

Let’s take a walk down memory lane just to dig into what really goes on in your head, shall we? You meet for the first time, you click instantly and hit it off as best friends. Even though you stay thousands of miles apart, the bond that keeps the two of you together never wavers. And then, thanks to unforeseen circumstances that you couldn’t have anticipated, emotions grant themselves the spark of life from deep within the wellsprings of your heart. It’s not like wildfire, it takes its time to build up and affirm its own nature in order to determine what it really wants. And then, thanks to the action of two sparks lighting up together, a flame filled with ecstacy raged within your heart. It had been so long, but you finally felt that spark of life again. You decided that the next time the two of you could spare a moment in eternity for each other, you would make it right by yourself. But nothing turns out the way you want them to, doesn’t it? So you snuff out your spark of creation before it burns away everything that is a part of you, turning yourself into a hollow shell of a living being. You give yourself time to adjust to the fact that maybe you weren’t meant for the spark yet, maybe you were too eager to touch the Sun and in return, it gave you the gift of a blackened soul.

The passage of time continues as it always would, reminding you that you would always be a part of something greater than anything your imagination could ever think of. Not so suddenly, your life returns back to you, deciding that your punishment lasted long enough. You let familiar faces back into your life because you could never cut out someone who would always own a spot in the corner of your soul. But you’ve learned your lesson, you’re going to keep yourself at a distance. The Sun’s blaze was too much for you to handle, and you weren’t willing to go back to it anytime soon. But who said life will let you roll with the flow once you’ve adjusted to the sway of the current? Where’s the fun in that? They say lightning never strikes twice, but it does, and it strikes you harder than ever before. You’re back to the place where you began your trial, except this time, the diagnosis is probably worse than before. This time, you’re adamant to burn yourself in the Sun, just so that you can ensure that no one else goes through it as you did. You’d take yourself through the pain and make sure it lasts just so that there isn’t enough for anyone else. That’s how bad you want to be a Healer. But how are you supposed to heal when there’s nothing left in you? How can you go around trying to ease everybody else’s pain when it feels like the Darkness is almost about to envelop you in its icy grip? What are you supposed to do when there’s so little left to do? Would you make the ultimate sacrifice and tear the spark of life from your chest? What would you do with it then? Give a shard of it to everyone you ever cared about, just so that they can keep living? If that’s so, why are you still breathing?